Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
