I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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