She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
