I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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