I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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