So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
