I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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