New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
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come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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