I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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