Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
