come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
