I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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