i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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