the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My vagina is officially offended.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
