Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
