Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize