I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
