I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
