oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
