This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
