he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
