I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
