I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Congratulations! We have a period
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