Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My vagina is very pro this idea
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
