When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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