We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
