I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
