my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
