I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Operation Purity has been aborted
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
