I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
