we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
