Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
