isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
