how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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