my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
