i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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