Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
