Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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