Fine. I'll sleep in my office
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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