Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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