I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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