she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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