it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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