Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
