I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
