Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
