I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
