Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
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Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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