You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
