I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
