I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
