strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
