...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Every concussion has its silver lining
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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