How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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