We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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