I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
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Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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