READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
