What did we do last night that was yellow?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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