my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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