rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
