i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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