Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
