You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
