I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
