i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
