Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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