This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
