I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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