i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
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Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin