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• (248): View more from Michigan

  i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I think I sprained my soul last night

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Can we agree to not tell mom about this?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I stand by it.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous

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• (650): View more from California

  orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god

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• (512): View more from Texas

  My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo

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