What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.