And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that