come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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