You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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