I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
