bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
