some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
