not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
