Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
