i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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